As the dawn of their teenage years approaches, I expect that music is going to become more important to the boys, as it often does at that age. As their father, it is my responsibility to shepherd them as they discover their musical taste to help them discover the better material and avoid the musical junk food. I've always had them listen to what I listen to, and that has shaped them to this point. One of my happier moments was when a very small Michael charmed the sales girls at Vroman's Bookstore singing "Molly's Chambers" as I checked out years ago.
This past year I've decided that they are old enough to start attending live shows. They've had a pretty good time, enjoyed some of the performances and they liked hearing from all the enthusiastic (and drunk) concert goers about how "cool" it is that they are there. To this point, we've only taken them to outdoor shows, so as not to damage their hearing, but I've been able to take them to meet a few bands for smaller acoustic sets at indoor locations. One such opportunity happened Monday afternoon of last week when I was able to introduce the boys to the lovely Emily Haines and James Shaw of Metric; it was quite a thrill, and, I hope, a memory that will last. It was a good way to cap off the summer, but school has started and with it homework. Yesterday, Michael had to fill out a questionnaire as part of his choir homework. I glanced over it, and when I saw that he wrote "Alternative" for his preference in music, I smiled.
RAP (8.27.2009)
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The Task is the Reward
Finding the right thing to motivate a child isn't always the easiest thing to do. I almost always prefer the carrot to the stick because, although you can make them do something with a stick, I'd rather have them make themselves do it to acquire the carrot.
Somewhere between all the books, films and travels, an essential skill of childhood had fallen through the cracks for Alex; he had never learned to ride a bike. Part of it was the time; the good weather months are always very busy. The other component of the equation was that he never really had any interest it. Early this summer, I finally discovered what would make a bicycle appealing to him; he lit up at the prospect of riding to the pool with Michael. The sort of freedom and adventure it could bring was too much for him to resist any longer. I acquired a bicycle for him that would be easier to learn on than his brother's, and we worked with him. As the summer progressed, he became better and better at riding. And last week he was ready to ride off to the pool with his brother (shown here).
I prefer to use rewards are as motivation, but it is especially sweet when you can find a confluence where the task itself is part of the reward, and I am hopeful that they will realize that most things that seem hard can take them places they may want to go.
RAP 8.26.2009
Somewhere between all the books, films and travels, an essential skill of childhood had fallen through the cracks for Alex; he had never learned to ride a bike. Part of it was the time; the good weather months are always very busy. The other component of the equation was that he never really had any interest it. Early this summer, I finally discovered what would make a bicycle appealing to him; he lit up at the prospect of riding to the pool with Michael. The sort of freedom and adventure it could bring was too much for him to resist any longer. I acquired a bicycle for him that would be easier to learn on than his brother's, and we worked with him. As the summer progressed, he became better and better at riding. And last week he was ready to ride off to the pool with his brother (shown here).
I prefer to use rewards are as motivation, but it is especially sweet when you can find a confluence where the task itself is part of the reward, and I am hopeful that they will realize that most things that seem hard can take them places they may want to go.
RAP 8.26.2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
A Stroll on their Own
I've always tried to watch the same movies and television programs as the boys, just as I encourage them to read books I've read. It controls the quality of storytelling they take in, steering them towards (what I believe) to be better written and execute material, but it also gives us something that we can relate with and talk about; it acts as a cornerstone as they share what they thought about a particular piece.
However, they are getting older, and as much as I see myself in each, they are not just a subset of me, and they have to be allowed to become their own people (with guidance), with their own tastes and experiences. For the most part, I've been hanging farther back in recent times, usually within ear shot. This summer I've taken it a step farther, by allowing them to go to the movies nominally on their own. They have to stay together, I give them a cell phone, and I choose earlier less crowded shows, but they are watching it on their own. At Michael's age, I would often spend the day at the cinema, watching film after film, and it seemed that they were ready for this step. Of course, while not in earshot, I am not to far away; just the next theater over, in case they need me, or more typically so that they can share what they loved about the movie.
RAP (8.21.2009)
However, they are getting older, and as much as I see myself in each, they are not just a subset of me, and they have to be allowed to become their own people (with guidance), with their own tastes and experiences. For the most part, I've been hanging farther back in recent times, usually within ear shot. This summer I've taken it a step farther, by allowing them to go to the movies nominally on their own. They have to stay together, I give them a cell phone, and I choose earlier less crowded shows, but they are watching it on their own. At Michael's age, I would often spend the day at the cinema, watching film after film, and it seemed that they were ready for this step. Of course, while not in earshot, I am not to far away; just the next theater over, in case they need me, or more typically so that they can share what they loved about the movie.
RAP (8.21.2009)
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Hail to the King, the Raiders and those on the Road
We've taken the boys to Mardi Gras (not once, but twice), on hikes down to blacks sand beaches and erupting volcanoes, to the best museums (Metropolitan Museum of Art, Smithsonian, Getty Villa, Field Museum etc.) and have exposed them to a variety of other experiences to broaden their view of the world in order to help them find what parts of it are for them. A component of that effort has been bringing them to the CAPA Summer Movie Series at the Ohio Theater each year to show them some of the best films ever made the way they were meant to be seen. Well, perhaps Raiders of the Lost Ark, which we took in last Saturday night, was not meant to be seen with an intermission and with an organist, but it was meant to be taken in with an audience that laughed and cheered; having 1,800 of your closest friends giggle and clap as Indy pulls his gun on the swordsman at the market in Cairo is something that you don't get when you watch it on your plasma screen TV, even on Blu-Ray.
Another film I took them to view was the 1933 version of King Kong. They really had no idea what Kong was going to look like, and just as audiences had to patiently wait 70 years ago, so did they. When the King of Skull Island appeared there was a small amount of delight, and a bit of dismissal from the kids of the CGI era with the cutting edge claymation of the 1930s. However, it soon entranced them as Kong fought a Stegosaurus, an Apatosaurus and T. Rex in succession. After the production, they claymation was all they could talk about, and in the twinkle of their eyes once could see new avenues open up in their imaginations.
Next week I hope to take the to Hope & Crosby's Road to Bali. It is an entirely different sort of film from Kong and Raiders, but I suspect that they were really like Hope's humor. Maybe the will, perhaps they won't, but it will add to their experiences, and give them something more to pull from, a perspective broader than just the days that they have lived.
RAP (8.20.2009)
Another film I took them to view was the 1933 version of King Kong. They really had no idea what Kong was going to look like, and just as audiences had to patiently wait 70 years ago, so did they. When the King of Skull Island appeared there was a small amount of delight, and a bit of dismissal from the kids of the CGI era with the cutting edge claymation of the 1930s. However, it soon entranced them as Kong fought a Stegosaurus, an Apatosaurus and T. Rex in succession. After the production, they claymation was all they could talk about, and in the twinkle of their eyes once could see new avenues open up in their imaginations.
Next week I hope to take the to Hope & Crosby's Road to Bali. It is an entirely different sort of film from Kong and Raiders, but I suspect that they were really like Hope's humor. Maybe the will, perhaps they won't, but it will add to their experiences, and give them something more to pull from, a perspective broader than just the days that they have lived.
RAP (8.20.2009)
Monday, August 3, 2009
New and Old
One of the hallmarks of any trip is the new things to which we are able to expose the kids. This sojourn to southern California included their first visits to the Getty Villa, the Skirball Center and Griffith Park Observatory; the Observatory, which had been closed for renovation in recent years, was particularly wonderful as it allowed them to see the city from new perspectives and gaze at the details of the moon through the telescope.
As a society, we tend to obsess on newness to a degree and somewhat overlook the depth of experience gained by going to the same places over and over again; a trip to Los Angeles certainly wouldn't be the same without heading to down to Santa Monica for some fun, sitting at the counter with your ice cream at the Fair Oaks Pharmacy or browsing the bookcases at Vroman's. There is a familiarity that allows you to be free to know the greater details and make it more than a place, but one of your places.
More importantly than acquainting the boys to places new and old are the people - the joy of seeing old friends and sharing your new experiences with them, plus the excitement of meeting new friends with whom to play in the park or have dinner.
RAP (8.3.2009)
As a society, we tend to obsess on newness to a degree and somewhat overlook the depth of experience gained by going to the same places over and over again; a trip to Los Angeles certainly wouldn't be the same without heading to down to Santa Monica for some fun, sitting at the counter with your ice cream at the Fair Oaks Pharmacy or browsing the bookcases at Vroman's. There is a familiarity that allows you to be free to know the greater details and make it more than a place, but one of your places.
More importantly than acquainting the boys to places new and old are the people - the joy of seeing old friends and sharing your new experiences with them, plus the excitement of meeting new friends with whom to play in the park or have dinner.
RAP (8.3.2009)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Never Too Old For Fun
Watching them dance in the fountains at The Greene, weaving through fountains and younger children, reminded me that I am very happy to see that Michael and Alex aren't in a rush to be older. I've seen it with many of their friends, a rush to appear older and more mature so that they can be cooler by disposing of anything that can be considered remotely childish, no matter how much fun it is.
They are growing up, and will continue to get older and more mature no matter what they do, so their is no wisdom in forcing it by jettisoning the things that they love; conforming doesn't make you cooler so much as less interesting. In the interest of full disclosure I must confess that I have a penchant to behave like a child with my sons, and do the things that I enjoyed as a kid with them. Alex informed the girls this last week about such as lobos, a very childish form of general roughhousing we like to play, and their wide eyed response was that he has a cool dad.
RAP (7.16.2009)
They are growing up, and will continue to get older and more mature no matter what they do, so their is no wisdom in forcing it by jettisoning the things that they love; conforming doesn't make you cooler so much as less interesting. In the interest of full disclosure I must confess that I have a penchant to behave like a child with my sons, and do the things that I enjoyed as a kid with them. Alex informed the girls this last week about such as lobos, a very childish form of general roughhousing we like to play, and their wide eyed response was that he has a cool dad.
RAP (7.16.2009)
Monday, July 6, 2009
... And the dark clouds passed
Despite the inclimate weather in the late afternoon, I believe our annual Fourth of July party was a success once more. It brought me joy to see that the kids were not too old for the bounce houses, and I took particular pride in how the new LED items in the goody backpacks were such big hits; from young to old, the kids seem to have a magical time with them in the twilight hours.
One of the thrusts of this party, and the birthday parties, has been to help the boys socially by creating the circumstances where good experiences can happen and friendships bloom. Michael spent the day with Suzanne, and even watched the fireworks by her side as the best of friends. Alex is always the life of the party, and in between horseplay it was amusing that we had three different sets of adults, not kids, ask "Where's Alex?" when they saw us. Our sons aren't the only ones that can benefit, and I didn't know when it started, but this year, it was another child that would gain a needed, little boost socially. That kid seemed to gain a little confidence and camaraderie as the day went on and the dark clouds passed.
RAP (7.6.2009)
One of the thrusts of this party, and the birthday parties, has been to help the boys socially by creating the circumstances where good experiences can happen and friendships bloom. Michael spent the day with Suzanne, and even watched the fireworks by her side as the best of friends. Alex is always the life of the party, and in between horseplay it was amusing that we had three different sets of adults, not kids, ask "Where's Alex?" when they saw us. Our sons aren't the only ones that can benefit, and I didn't know when it started, but this year, it was another child that would gain a needed, little boost socially. That kid seemed to gain a little confidence and camaraderie as the day went on and the dark clouds passed.
RAP (7.6.2009)
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